The stoplights tell me how I am doing

I was tempted to not write tonight. I think I did my fair share of full self disclosure last night. Seems like that would be enough to carry me through the rest of the week. But, I am hoping that in writing I will be able to break this tragic spell that has me. I am feeling a bit discouraged with things. Even though I feel like I am doing everything I can I don't feel any closer to wellness than when I started a month ago. I have made some good discoveries but mostly discovered I just have more questions.
Like what is this balance thing I am striving for and how will I know when I have it? When I think of balance I always picture a pendulum. You'd think it would be a scale but, no, for me it's the pendulum. I have observed that when change occurs it happens to the opposite extreme and then eventually settles in the middle, just like a pendulum swinging. I know what the opposite extreme feels like but how do I know when I am settling in the middle?
I use stoplights as my instant feedback source for how I am doing in life. If I hit more green lights than red I am flowing along but if I hit more red than green something is tripping me up. The last few days I have hit almost all red lights! The worst part is I don't really know what I am doing to trip myself up.  I have been super sleepy since we got back from Denver and sleeping in too long but I have been trying to balance that by eating well. I have been patient with myself while I process whatever is going on and am concentrating on loving myself no matter where I am at. I am taking time to feel my feelings. I am trying to figure out what the control piece is that keeps coming up. It seems like those are all positive actions that should be producing positive results.
A lot of times I can make the switch mid drive from red to green, tripping up to flowing, but this week I have just been observing this strange occurrence. It's kind of like my major mistake with the pictures. It is just so interesting to me. Most people would just think it was life and there was no reason for it. Stuff happens. Well, I could say that but it isn't my experience of my life. The thoughts I think cause stuff to happen. I guess I need to pay closer attention to the thoughts I am thinking then.
Oh drats, that gets so confusing because that is the control piece I keep coming back to. I swear the big take home lesson from this 60 days is going to be something about control and I am just at the beginning of understanding what that means. I don't think I am supposed to try and control every thought and action I take though. It is bigger than that. If wellness is my natural state then I should be able to just let go and wellness will happen automatically.
So, how do I let go? It feels like when I let go I sleep too much, eat too much sugar, spend too much time on Facebook, and get irritable. Since that is the opposite of wellness  and wellness can happen if we just get out of our own way then I can't be really letting go. Then what is that I am doing? And how do I listen to my body and respond to the variables life throws my way without controlling and practicing this letting go thing? Ahhhhhhh!
Okay, take a deep breath. My mind is spinning in circles like a dog trying to catch its tail and I know there is no value in that. Tomorrow is a new day and I can get whatever answers I need during sleep and/or meditation. If I just stay the course everything will become clear. Stay in the boat, let go of the paddles and go with the flow!