Blurry

This whole week passed in a blur; like the haze that has been hovering about the valley even while the sun shines brightly. My brain feels muddy and clouded and my memories distant. I feel disconnected and separated from the Earth and my place on it. It seems like just last night I was doing my report card and writing about breakthroughs.
I know 2010 is all about me. Me, me, me it's all about me. If you want to talk about me, just give me a call. I'm game! And I see people everywhere embarking on the same journey. It is a time of questioning and fine tuning. Throwing out our assumptions and starting over. I just not convinced that the way I am doing the journey is the right one, or even a way that holds value. If I get answers but just keep asking the same question over and over again the point is mute. All this thinking seems pointless. I endlessly overanalyze everything and where does it leave me? Spinning in circles, chasing my tail, distracted from life. I find myself hyper focused on everything I eat because that is the big problem I can't solve. I feel myself inching, incrementally toward wellness in that direction but what I am missing in the process of focusing myself there? The other goals I have set for myself seem easy in comparison and I wonder if I put myself on autopilot. Am I living in the present moment and enjoying the journey? Is my mind any quieter in meditation? Is my body any more strong or flexible in exercise? Have I been able to brighten anyone else's day? Have I shown my husband and my kids that I love them? I don't know that I have the answers to those questions this week. I got everything done to the best of my ability. And I promised that I would be gentle with myself and not criticize mercilessly. I know that I made the best choices I felt able to and that forces of nature were colluding against me. I took care of myself and gave myself the comfort my body seemed to be craving inside and out; warmth, sugar, a slower pace, lots of chatter, cuddling. I have to believe that by listening to myself and giving myself those gifts even if they were not on my list I did right by myself. My faith must guide me through this as I remember that I can do no wrong in listening to the still, small voice inside my head. The only question to ask myself is "what voice am I listening to?"